Everytime
by Piggnaw
Summary: A songfic about Lizzie's tragic breakup, please read and review, I hope you enjoy :-) (one shot)


A/N so I decided to take a break from my uber long story, now I lay me down to sleep. This is my second fanfiction ever, and my very first songfic. Let me take this opportunity to say that I generally do not like Britney Spears, but I found this song to be both beautiful and haunting and felt that it needed a story set to its sad words. This is a sad story, I know, but the happiest story is not always the best. Please read and review so that I know how this songfic is, remember it is my first. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy.  
  
Lizzie shivered as the cool December winds licked her face and caused strands of her straight blonde hair to break free from its pony tale. She paused to tie her shoe and gasped as her gaze fell upon a familiar white house. A boy with curly hair was carrying out the trash. He caught Lizzie's gaze and turned away uncomfortably.

_Notice me, take my hand_

Lizzie felt a lump rise immediately in her throat. She struggled for air as the boy's stare penetrated her. She lifted her hand in a greeting motion. The boy shook his head sneering and turned back to his house.

_Why are we strangers when Our love is strong_

She walked a few feet further and saw the boy, her Gordo, laughing and decorating a tall evergreen in the center of their parlor window. At Gordo's side was an attractive brunette who laughed as if she was part of the family.  
  
_Why carry on without me_  
  
Lizzie could no longer hold the tears, which had been threatening to fall, and she allowed them to cascade freely down her face. She fell to the concrete and held her head in her hands as realization once more settled heavily upon her. There was no future for her and Gordo.

_Everytime I try to fly, I fall Without my wings, I feel so small_

Regaining her composure she allowed herself to rise from the concrete. She took one final look into the Gordon residence before finally willing her feet to carry her home. The snow fell on her like a barrage of tiny bullets and her face was completely frozen by the time she reached her front door. She forced a gloved hand into her pocket and cursed as her hand fell upon nothing in her pocket. Without Gordo she could never remember anything, let alone her house key.  
  
_I guess I need you, baby_  
  
She pulled her scarf tightly around her neck as she began to make her way to the terrace in the back. She hated climbing the stupid thing, especially when her limbs were frozen and her heart was aching. Finally she lifted her window and was greeted by a rush of warm air, thank god for indoor heating, she thought to herself. She sat on her bed and took a deep breath to clear her head. Glancing around the room she gathers her thoughts and changes into her pajamas. After struggling with her many layers of winter clothing, she lowers herself into the soft bed, which she sank into as if it were a giant marshmellow.  
  
_And everytime I see you in my dreams_  
  
Lizzie is awakened by Gordo's voice calling softly to her from her doorway. His voice is like a sweet aroma encasing the room; she is inhaling it with every breath she draws. His lips part softly with every word and Lizzie takes in every inch of his face, from those soft pink lips to his deep gray eyes.  
  
_I see your face, it's haunting me_  
  
Lizzie rises from the mattress and her feet pad softly on the thick carpet as she approaches Gordo's silhouetted form. Upon finally reaching him she reaches out her own ghostly pale hand and directs it towards his cheek. Tears are now falling steadily down her face, making dark spots on her tank top. Just as the tip of Lizzie's fingernail met with the pink flesh of Gordo's cheek, his face vanishes and Lizzie falls, sobbing, to her knees.

_I guess I need you, baby_

Lizzie wakes with a start from the nightmare, drenched in sweat and with her heart pounding. She takes a sip of the water on her bed stand and after finally catching her breath lays her head softly onto her down pillow. The teddy bear laying next to Lizzie catches her eye. Gordo had won this teddy bear for her. Lizzie imagines that the bear is Gordo, lying next to her in bed. She wraps her arm around it and buries her head in its shoulder.

_I make believe that you are here It's the only way I see clear_

The tears that had begun to fall an hour ago still careened unsteadily down the contours of her cheekbones. This wasn't the first time that Lizzie had experienced a night like this. Some nights were better and some were worse, but since he left her, there hadn't been a good one. She wondered how many sleepless nights her former boyfriend had encountered. A picture of the smiling brunette from Gordo's house presented herself. "Probably none" she said aloud to no one in particular.

_What have I done?You seem to move on easy_  
  
Lizzie began to imagine Gordo and the brunette living out life together. Going off to college together, getting married, having children. All of the things that she was supposed to be at his side for. How could Gordo love someone else? All of those times when he had sworn that she was it for him. That she was his soulmate. He had lied to her, and now, surely, he had told his lies to the unsuspecting new girl. Lizzie glanced at the college applications that were strewn about the surface of her oak desk. Lizzie hadn't been able to even look at those since the breakup. There was hardly anything that she could do now that the love of her life had voluntarily removed himself from Lizzie, her life, and her future.

_And everytime I try to fly, I fall Without my wings, I feel so small_

Gordo and Lizzie had long ago agreed that they would fill out the applications together, so that no matter what they had good chances of attending the same university. If she still had Gordo these forms would already be in the mail.

_I guess I need you, baby_

Lizzie hated nights like these, nights were every beat of her heart sent searing pain through every inch of her body, nights were she felt no desire to go on living, nights when his face occupied her each and every dream.

_ I see your face, you're haunting me I guess I need you, baby_

Though Lizzie would curse him angrily, she knew that it was not his fault that things had ended up this way. Guilt had weighed heavily upon her diaphragm since that night in October. She could remember that night like she could remember nothing else about her life. She could still smell the rain, still feel the cool fall air whipping around her body, she could still see his heartbreaking, the look in his eyes.

_I may have made it rain, please forgive me_

Ethan had shown up at her house unexpectedly, he stood in the doorway confessing his love for her. She allowed him entry into her home, only because it was so cold outside and he had no source of warmth. He was wearing only a t-shirt and jeans. They had sat down on the couch to talk and he had begun to softly rub her leg. She tried to convince herself that she didn't want this, that she didn't want him, but eventually her longing took control of her and her tongue was exploring every inch of Ethan's mouth. Lizzie's eyes had left Ethan's face long enough to see Gordo in the window. Holding a bouquet of flowers, his eyes dull and sad. The flowers fell to the ground as Gordo turned to leave.

_ My weakness caused you pain_

Reliving the moment hurt her more than anything. She felt as if someone had plunged a dagger into the very depths of her heart. "I'M SORRY GORDO!" she screamed into her empty room.

_And this song's my sorry_

And the worst part of everything, is that her memories were fading. She was losing him forever. How could the worst night of her entire life be alive so vividly in her brain, yet she could no longer recall the feel of Gordo's arms around her, or the cologne he wore? She wanted to forget everything. EVERYTHING. Having his ghost occupy her mind was more painful then remember him entirely. She needed every memory to be gone, not just the good ones.  
  
_At night I pray That soon your face will fade away_

The impact of Gordo's loss was stronger than ever on this particular night. She glanced at her nightstand and found a solution. There was only one way to rid herself of Gordo, only one way to not have to see him with the new girl.

_And everytime I try to fly, I fall,Without my wings, I feel so small  
_  
There was only one way, to show him how truly sorry she was. If only she hadn't been so stupid, if only she hadn't let Ethan in that night. She reached for the aspirin bottle. The container felt so heavy in her hand. There was no point in living without David Gordon.  
  
_I guess I need you, baby_  
  
She could no longer stand to be visited by her face on a nightly basis. She shook twelve pills into her palm and for once the tears ceased to fall.

_And everytime I see you in my dreams,I see your face, you're haunting me  
_  
She took a deep breath and tilted her head back. The pills fell silently down her throat and she leaned her head back into the pillow for what was to be her first night of dreamless sleep. She felt no pain as the life slowly receded from her body. Clutching a picture of her love in her arms she was finally freed from the pain that she had created, she could only hope that the same would go for Gordo, the only man she'd ever loved.  
  
_I guess I need you, baby_


End file.
